“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them”. (Phyllis Diller, American comedian and mother of six).
Relationships with our mothers start from the moment we are born (or maybe before) and shapes our expectations and experience of all our future relationships. Even as we come to the end of our lives, our most common final words often translate as ‘mother’.

As a professional therapist, I find that most clients explore their relationship with their mothers at some point. For some it’s the burning core around which all other life events revolve, for others it’s an appreciation of lessons learnt or lessons rejected. We can learn a lot about ourselves from looking at the connection with have with our mothers or indeed the ability of our mothers to connect with us.

It can be truly life changing to unravel the habits that we have developed, establishing those that enhance our life and those that don’t. Once our patterns are understood, we can learn new lessons, shaping and equipping ourselves for a better future. We can often renegotiate our relationships with our mothers, repairing old wounds and forming new bonds.

Sadly, in some cases our mothers don’t or can’t engage in this process. This can be a painful realisation, but nevertheless can help free us from constant disappointments.

Even if our mothers have long since died, therapy can help nourish our inner relationship with our mothers, making ourselves the people (or parents) we really need to be.

© Robert Goodman, counsellor Eastbourne and online.